the ex- factor

Its currently almost four in the morning and I have just arrived home. I was pretty much up to no good. But not really up to no good, just no good for me. I just walked home from my ex- boyfriends house because unfortunately for me he lives 25 minutes down the road walking distance. Nothing happened. Just talked while drinking pink lemonade green tea, an activity we've done so often in the past. Completely innocent yet I can't help but feel completely guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty because it was a harmless visit, however I didn't clear the visit with a certain someone and maybe that is why this visit is weighing so heavily on my conscience. I know however that after tommorow it will no longer be an issue on my mind but at four in the morning it certainly is.

The problem with the ex- down the road is that unfortunately I stay up late at night and so does he. Unfortunately I get lonely and bored at night and so does he. Unfortunately my first day back in town from university I ran in to him and unfortunately he called me that night to see how I was.

I'm not quite sure what is the worst part of all of this. Maybe that I actually enjoy his company and he might know me better than most people. I always sort of thought he didn't really know me at all and that he simply just saw me and listened to me but didn't really listen to me. Well tonight I discovered that he knows me well and I never had any idea.

Also the most interetsing part about the visit was that he broke up with me so I figured he never felt hurt by the breakup. But it was revealed to me that it did hurt him and he doesn't want to date anyone currently in his life because it will make him vulnerable to hurt. That statement made me feel bad for a moment but I suppose he has a point, which got me thnking,

If you avoid being in a relationship with someone, can you avoid being hurt?

I'd like to say that is definitely not true. I mean, I wonder if when my ex- looks at me, stares deep into my eyes, if he can't help but feel some sort of hurt or disappointment. He adored me when we dated and I knew he did. Like, absolutely in every way adored me. I know he will never adore me the way he used to but I can't help but wonder how he feels when he looks at me. I just think there would still be some sort of hurt feeling there. I have a hurt feeling in me when I look at him.

The visit itself was pleasant and it made me really think about me. What makes me happy and what I'm doing to be happy. Life is what you make it as my ex- so often says, and he definitely isn't lying.

Xo BJshopaholic

for the love of summer

With summer fast approaching, mine truly beginning in five days, I can't help but think of my boyfriend and the summer that is about to commence. I met my boyfriend in August of 07 at an Aerosmith concert which is less than romantic yet somehow it is the most romantic thing I could possibly think of. Listening to a band I could care less about yet meeting the one person who I couldn't care more about.

So for the love of summer,
I can't wait for my summer to begin!
I am most excited for the fashions I will be wearing, the tanning I will be doing and the fabulous friends I will be surrounding myself around.

Lately I have been big on giving myself weekly manicures and the nail colours for summer make me so thrilled. Any colour from soft nudes, pink, pale purples and then bright oranges, yellows, blues SO FABULOUS. My favourite nailpolish line is definitely Essie I only buy Essie nailpolish now! Everyone should invest in some Essie I have never been more pleased with a nailpolish! I'm also huge on wearing rings currently which is interesting because nails and rings both appear on my hands. Statement or what. So let me share my favourite ring of the season!




This is my favourite ring as of right now, the RG BULL DOG ring by Betsey Johnson. I just think it is fun, fresh, and very cute!





I'm a huge Betsey Johnson admirer, (BJshopaholic) so expect to see much more from her!

Just a few thoughts on flirty summer fashions,

Xo BJshopaholic

whitney eve

I have this new obsession with Whitney Ports line Whitney Eve. While her collections aren't super large and there isn't a lot of selection, the selection is GORGEOUS. I repeat GORGEOUS. Let me not forget, it is an extremely affordable quality line! I will be ordering a few items myself for the upcoming summer.

My absolute favourite piece from the Fall collection is definitely

THE LORETTA SWEATER



I just think it is absolutely beautiful! The pattern itself sold me. Now I know I really should be looking at items from the Spring 11 collection but I would wear this sweater spring, summer, fall, winter.

All should definitely check out whitneyeve.com so affordable and luxurious!

Xo BJshopaholic

change of relationship

When my boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me I was definitely at a loss at who I was as a person. I was so in sync with me and him, our names following after each other, always together, never a part that I didn't really know who I was when I stood on my own. Every decision I had made in the last three years had that person in mind. From what school I went to, to the clothes I wore and the way I styled my hair. We even were so much in sync that we would buy clothes and coordinates our outfits to "slightly" match.

So when he broke up with me, I began to search for who I am as a person. Singular. Not plural. Just me and nobody to accompany me. As a society we definitely shape ourselves around the environment we are placed in. Whether it be friendships, relationships, workplace or family, each of these aspects definitely shape us. But when that is all taken away you really have to wonder who you are. So after the break up from my best friend I needed to know who I was. Thus the change in me began.

It is a known fact for women in particular to change their outward appearance after a life defining break up. Whether we lose ten pounds, cut all our hair off, dye it a drastic colour or go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, lingerie included.

I did two of the above. I lost thirty pounds (not intentionally) and dyed my hair for the first time ever. I went darker and I felt sultry! The lighter in weight, darker in hair me felt fabulous! While I was still emotionally unavailable I felt like I looked amazing and that alone eased the dreadful breakup.

Then New Years Eve came around and I was single and looking fabulous. I went out with my two best friends to a house party and as fate would have it, I met the person that would get me over my ex- and eventually bring me back to him.

This person from New Years and myself dated for a few months and I liked him, I really did. At one point I debated if it was becoming more than a like feeling. But when he broke up with me, there was no change. I had not lost weight, I had not felt the urge to cut or dye my hair (besides wanting to look fabulous for the upcoming summer) and I do not feel the need to become a better individual after having lost this person. I do secretly hope I look my absolute best when I run into him again but that is just my ego needing a boost.

So I can't help but wonder, if you don't change yourself after a relationship does that mean you know who you are without that person? Maybe since I met him after my horrible break up in which I had discovered who I was. I knew I didn't need to change or better myself because I did that months prior. But it cannot be left forgotten that a change in relationship can really make you appreciate who and what you have.

Xo BJshopaholic

relationships and fashion: linked

I have been wondering the link between relationships and fashion for some time as I feel the two are interlinked in every woman's life. Relationships shape our lives and fashion says who we are. What you wear ultimately is defining you as a person and I do not care if you want to give me that "its whats on the inside that counts as who you really are". Uh no. If you are wearing a designer somewhere on your body I already know a lot about you. Sorry.

I had my first real/bad relationship when I was fourteen and I can definitely say that it shaped me into who I am. It was my phase of Vans, Converse, and what I defined as "cute but different" fashion wear. From heart covered shirts to worn out skinny jeans my fashion sense was all about being different but being the same as every other fourteen year old girl trying to find her way in the world. Black nail polish was a look I could never quite pull off. When the relationship went south.. so did my fashion sense and how I looked. Long gone were the days of trying to be "different" and the days of being me commenced.

I learned a lot about myself from that relationship. It molded me into the individual that I am today and while I still have a "hate" flag waving for that person, I just have to say.. I just keep getting better in every department of myself. THANK YOU!

So while my fashion sense changed drastically after that relationship ended, I can't help but think that the two are definitely connected.. Lets be serious here, I would only wear black nail polish today if it were for a chic look not a grunge look.

Linked or not? I'm not sure. I think so.

Xo BJshopaholic