change of relationship

When my boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me I was definitely at a loss at who I was as a person. I was so in sync with me and him, our names following after each other, always together, never a part that I didn't really know who I was when I stood on my own. Every decision I had made in the last three years had that person in mind. From what school I went to, to the clothes I wore and the way I styled my hair. We even were so much in sync that we would buy clothes and coordinates our outfits to "slightly" match.

So when he broke up with me, I began to search for who I am as a person. Singular. Not plural. Just me and nobody to accompany me. As a society we definitely shape ourselves around the environment we are placed in. Whether it be friendships, relationships, workplace or family, each of these aspects definitely shape us. But when that is all taken away you really have to wonder who you are. So after the break up from my best friend I needed to know who I was. Thus the change in me began.

It is a known fact for women in particular to change their outward appearance after a life defining break up. Whether we lose ten pounds, cut all our hair off, dye it a drastic colour or go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, lingerie included.

I did two of the above. I lost thirty pounds (not intentionally) and dyed my hair for the first time ever. I went darker and I felt sultry! The lighter in weight, darker in hair me felt fabulous! While I was still emotionally unavailable I felt like I looked amazing and that alone eased the dreadful breakup.

Then New Years Eve came around and I was single and looking fabulous. I went out with my two best friends to a house party and as fate would have it, I met the person that would get me over my ex- and eventually bring me back to him.

This person from New Years and myself dated for a few months and I liked him, I really did. At one point I debated if it was becoming more than a like feeling. But when he broke up with me, there was no change. I had not lost weight, I had not felt the urge to cut or dye my hair (besides wanting to look fabulous for the upcoming summer) and I do not feel the need to become a better individual after having lost this person. I do secretly hope I look my absolute best when I run into him again but that is just my ego needing a boost.

So I can't help but wonder, if you don't change yourself after a relationship does that mean you know who you are without that person? Maybe since I met him after my horrible break up in which I had discovered who I was. I knew I didn't need to change or better myself because I did that months prior. But it cannot be left forgotten that a change in relationship can really make you appreciate who and what you have.

Xo BJshopaholic